NOTE: Verríssimo is not a Christian writer and his comic Chronicle is posted here just to satisfy the curiosity of non-Portuguese language speakers who may be intrigued by the reference. This text is not linked anywhere else in the WRF website
SEE POST AT https://jornalismoantenado.blogspot.com/2010/04/cronica-de-pascoa-l-f-verissimo.html
ENGLISH TRANSLATION:
“Dad, what is Easter?”
“Why, Easter is… well… it’s a religious holiday!”
“Like Christmas?”
“Similar. Only at Christmas we celebrate Jesus’ birth, and at Easter, if I’m not mistaken, we celebrate His resurrection.”
“Resurrection?”
“Yes, resurrection. Marta, come here a second!”
“What is it?”
“Explain to this boy what resurrection is so I can read my newspaper.”
“Well, my son, resurrection means coming back to life after dying. That’s what happened to Jesus, three days after He was crucified. He rose again and went up to heaven. Understand?”
“Sort of… Mom, was Jesus a rabbit?”
“What kind of nonsense is that, boy? A rabbit! Jesus Christ is the Heavenly Father! Honestly, this child doesn’t even look baptized! Jorge, this boy cannot grow up like this, without at least going to Mass on Sundays. It’s as if we never gave him a Christian upbringing! Can you imagine if he says something like that at school? Lord forgive me! Tomorrow I’m enrolling this boy in catechism!”
“Mom, but isn’t the Heavenly Father God?”
“Yes, son, Jesus and God are the same thing. You’ll study that in catechism. It’s the Trinity. God is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.”
“So the Holy Spirit is God too?”
“Yes.”
“And Minas Gerais?”
“Sacrilege!”
“Is that why Trindade Island is near Espírito Santo?”
“It’s not the state of Espírito Santo that’s part of the Trinity, my son, it’s the Holy Spirit of God. It’s all a little complicated. Even Mommy doesn’t understand it very well. But if you ask in catechism, your teacher will explain everything!”
“Well then, if Jesus isn’t a rabbit, who is the Easter Bunny?”
“How should I know? It’s a tradition. Like Santa Claus, only instead of presents he brings eggs.”
“Do rabbits lay eggs?”
“That’s enough! I may as well go make lunch!”
“Dad, wouldn’t it make more sense if it were the Easter chicken?”
“It would… yes… or maybe a vulture.”
“Dad, Jesus was born on December 25th, right?”
“Right.”
“So what day did He die?”
“That I know: Good Friday.”
“What day and month?”
“…”
“You know, I’ve never actually thought about that. I just learned that He died on Good Friday and rose three days later, on Holy Saturday.”
“One day later!”
“No, three days later.”
“Then He died on Wednesday.”
“No, He died on Good Friday… or was it Ash Wednesday? Ah, boy, don’t confuse me! He died on Friday and rose on Saturday, three days later! How? Ask your catechism teacher!”
“Dad, why did they tie up a bunch of rag dolls out there in the street?”
“Because today is Holy Saturday, and people are going to beat Judas. Judas was the apostle who betrayed Jesus.”
“Did Judas betray Jesus on Saturday?”
“Of course not! Jesus died on Friday!”
“Then why don’t they beat Judas on the right day?”
“Oh dear…”
“Dad, what was Jesus’ last name?”
“Christ. Jesus Christ.”
“That’s it?”
“As far as I know, yes. Why?”
“I’m not sure, but I have a feeling His full name was Jesus Christ Bunny. That’s the only way this Easter Bunny business makes any sense, don’t you think?”
“Oh, poor thing!”
“Poor thing who?”
“Your catechism teacher.”